January 4th, 2009

Things are warming up a bit, again. The past few days the weather got a bit cool, plus there has been a killer wind that was kicking up sand into our eyes and against our bare legs. Between those combined forces, we were not feeling the heat. It's been unusual weather here, even to the locals. Hopefully the strong winds will have pushed the storm clouds far away and we'll go back to the warm weather we arrived to.

We drove by our soon-to-be home yesterday while we were out visiting Ebano's family, again. It was hard to see much, as there is a large wall around the perimeter of the property, but what we could see through a small hole in the wall looked wonderful. I'm anxious for more room. Our 300 sq. ft. home is fine, but it's also starting to grate on my nerves. There's no room to escape or to put our items away, so it's like living in perpetual clutter. Uncontrolled clutter tends to make me louca.

I've been going through a homesick phase. I've learned I am a creature of habit, living a carefully constructed life that I fill with the people and purposes I consciously choose to fill my days. That is how my life in Victoria is built. Here, I'm forced to extend myself and what was my comfort zone. I miss knowing what people around me are talking about. I miss walking into a restaurant and knowing what and how to order. I miss my familiar neighbourhood and familiar routines. I miss friendly smells. I miss knowing that if I'm in trouble, I know how to get help. I feel very unempowered right now, which is something I have fought long and hard to avoid in my life.

I'm certain this is just a part of the process of getting used to another way of life. And when I think about it, life here isn't so dissimilar to my life in Victoria. There are many other cultures out there with much starker differences. I will not wish away this experience, refusing to let go of my 'old ways'. I will, instead, embrace my homesick days, allow myself to grieve what I cannot do/understand/see right this instant, putting it all into a bigger perspective. Four months is too short to spend much time on 'missing' what was and what will be again. So today, I will allow myself to grieve, and tonight, I will sleep it all away, preparing to let in tomorrow however it comes.

-Heather

PS: We found an American style grocery store this afternoon after getting caught in a rain burst. Feeling a bit better...